it’s not the stork…

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Recently, my friend Claire posted about talking to her kids about the birds and the bees.  (She’s hilarious, by the way, check out her blog here)

She got me thinking about when I talked to my oldest daughter about sex.

I was pregnant with my third baby and she kept asking how I got pregnant and how did the baby get in my tummy.

I always want to give my kids complete information and my thoughts are… when they ask about something, they are ready to know the answer.

Not quite knowing what to say or how to say it… I bought a book.  I bought a book called “It’s NOT the Stork.”

It was a cartoon book about sex.

Correction… it was a graphic, complete and detailed cartoon book about sex.

My mom stood at the bookstore and helped me pick out the book.  Her advice to me was “keep a straight face and keep reading.”

I bought the book home and read it to my daughter.  I took my mother’s advice and kept a straight face and kept reading.

(Note: I had NO idea why she gave me that advice until I actually started reading the book to my daughter.  I didn’t know if I was going to cry or burst out laughing.  Good advice.)

While I was reading (and trying my hardest not to laugh/cry) I could see my daughter’s face out of the corner of my eye.  No exaggeration – her mouth was hanging open in shock.

I kept reading.  I kept a straight face.

And, I hear “Wait. Wait. Wait.  Did you and daddy DO that… THREE TIMES????”   (We were about to have a total of three kids… Yes, we did it THREE TIMES and three times only).

I just said “Yes.” (Honesty, going out the window).

She seemed to recover and I kept reading.  We got to the part about sperm with cartoon pictures of giant sperm with smiley faces.  Again, I see her face out of the corner of my eye… shocked expression again.

Then, I hear “What happens to the thousands of sperm that don’t fertilize the egg?”

I said “They die.”

And, she said “You have DEAD sperm in you?”

We stopped reading the book after that.  It wasn’t my choice…

She said she didn’t want to hear anymore.

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